Being a bystander in the slavery of the soul

A dear friend of mine, one with whom my heart draws unto often, has recently fallen back into old traps. Bad habits and old ways seem to evade this man's territory and win the battle over future goals and ambitions. Everyone around him seek to support and uplift during such times, when his world seems to crumble under unstable footing for all to see except him. How is it, that walls can come crashing down in the house of one's life, walls that took such hard work and vision to build, and the builder not seem to notice their destruction?

All of a sudden, nothing else matters. Just getting his dirty secret, which no longer needs to be kept a secret. "After all, if people don't accept this about me, they must be rejecting all of me? If that's the case, did they ever really love me in the first place? Why should I even care what these people think? I much prefer the company of those who accept me for who I am."  he thinks to himself.

The hardest emotions to muster through such experiences come surprisingly from the emotions of another. His girlfriend asks me to watch out for him in genuine concern for his well being. "It makes me really sad that he has all these amazing goals in life and has the potential to reach them but then he chooses to smoke and all of a sudden none of that is important to him anymore. I think that's what hurts me the most outta all this," she says to me. What am I to think? What am I to feel? 

So the predictable patterns goes: a few months of idleness and depreciation go by, close ties are re-established in the need for help, support and motivation come with flowers and love, new goals are set, a few weeks or months go by, and the war begins to rage from within again. Unfortunately, this is a battle he can't win. When all of his soldiers come to the front lines, they are smitten and brought low and depression and hopelessness takes over. Freshly rebuilt walls built on a sandy foundation can't stand the blows of this enemy. The walls crumble, the pictures on the wall fall to the  floor, the mirrors on the wall and glass windows shatter. He is left homeless and friendless; but he's got his fix, so for the moment, he's happy.

The greatest fear for those that love such a man is that one day rock bottom will be to much to bear. Without the hands of Christ to bear him up, can such a man fight the seeds of depression which roots run too deep to pull out? They have encircled the heart, squeezing out all hope of anything better. What now? A blackened heart of heartbreak and shame. The only escape: a rope in a bathroom. Please, not again. 

How can you help such a man? Who is breaking apart into a million pieces from the explosions of the bombs he himself has set around himself with such precision and care, to which he lights the fuse with a grin on face? What is it that could possibly break this rhythm? Who is the angel that will enter this man's life that will show him the light? It's often a 3rd party member which would be least expected. I guess I continue to stand as a light, not a judge, continuing to pray with vision that God knows this good man more than I do, loves him more than I do. Watching those you love fade into the mists of darkness far from the path of safety toward the tree of light may be the hardest part of such a path.

Short Book Review: The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I listened to this as an audiobook and had to listen to it twice due to its stunning rhetoric and literary genius. To be honest, the first time through, it was hard for me to focus on the story going on because of Fitzgerald's amazing command over the english language. I got lost in his portrayals of people, places, and events. Every sentence in The Great Gatsby is a masterpiece. I can see why it is one of the most acclaimed American novels ever written. However, this only heightened the experience the second time through when I was able to follow the story while being dazzled by its imageries. 

Aside from the comforting and pleasurable aspect of just listening to the descriptions of The Great Gatsby (which will take anyone to pinnacle imaginative altitudes), the plot and story are sharp and cutting. The character development is intriguing, as I was always going back and forth on how I felt about each character. At one point I would feel connected and respectful toward a character, then immediately the imitation and acrylic would crumble away only to expose an empty corrosive soul. By the end, humanity seems but an egoistic breed which only seeks to be seen without care for what is actually real.

The calculation of the thickening plot was impressive. So many weaving elements of the story come together: prior details that seem just details become important features to bring the story to climax. Gatsby in the end is one that reminded me of so many, flashy and presentable, one who always seems to look the perfect part, yet, just like the rest but far more extreme.

I recommend this book to all people.You will be quickly removed from any thoughts of your world by the book's beautiful tapestry and you will be sucked into the vintage jazz age of the 1920's where the only thing that mattered was how it looked.

Thanks for loving me enough to cut me down

While hitchhiking yesterday, Lauren and I were picked up by a smart British man who loved talking. He shared a lot of political information, but then began sharing his core life philosophies. He began talking about how you can never know where life will take you. "You reach forks in the road, and turn left or right. You can only know if it was the right choice after a long time has passed and you can look back retrospectively."

He then said something that was precisely what I needed to hear: "The greatest growth you'll experience in your life will be during the times you feel you are having everything taken away from you. Looking back, those choices that seem to cut you down, those times when things are the hardest and you are facing adversity are the times that you'll realize are the ones that really got you somewhere."

I've recently felt like much has been "taken away" from me. I've known from the beginning that it was God's plan for me, and that He has a wiser purpose and grander vision of my life than I ever could; but I've still felt recently like I've been taking steps "backward" in life, rather than forward. I've questioned God's planning often lately; not skeptically, but wondering if I've just lost my path. "Am I going the right way, God? because it feels like things are falling apart for me more than coming together right now," have been some recent thoughts.

I'm thankful for a wife who may not think like me, but has amazing and broad vision of what is really important and good. She is the bird's eye view of perspective when I'm the worm's eye view of specificity. I'm grateful to have a companion that makes up for my weaknesses. I'm grateful to a Heavenly Father who isn't afraid to cut me down. He loves me enough to chasten me (Mosiah 23: 21-22; D&C 101: 5; Hebrews 12: 10)

Like Hugh B. Brown, I am grateful to the Gardener who knows what kind of plant He wants me to grow into. It's not an easy or fun process to be clipped, pruned, chopped, and beautified by the Master Gardener. It hurts to be cut down sometimes, maybe only because we are worried about what the other plants in the garden will think of us now that we're cut down. But He knows exactly what we can become, and what we should become!

Short Book Review: Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card

I am not usually a fictional reader. I've read less than a dozen fiction books in my entire life. I usually read spiritual type books, or self-help type books. I read mostly for the sake of motivation and inspiration. Surprisingly, I got both of those with a splash of complexity and creativity while reading
Ender's Game.

Ender's game is fun because it's an easy-read book. The language is simple, yet Orson Scott Card has a way of describing people and settings that allows your mind to instantly be in the setting.

It was easy to connect with the characters in the book, especially Ender. I felt bad for him while he was being trained to become a warfare mastermind. The rigorous training he went through reminds me of the training all people go through in life. I believe God teaches as line upon line, precept upon precept. He tests us just enough to get us to the next stage of grace, then raises us grace for grace through trials, adversity, blessings, experiences, learning, mistakes. He will train as and help us become like Him through the grace of His son's atonement. As we come unto Christ, we can expect that we won't be swimming in shallow water, but deep water will be what we are want to swim.

Ender became a well-calculated killing mind, but deep down he never wanted to do any of it. So many people in power would be fine "cracking a few eggs along the way." Ender felt bad for every misfortune others had to pay at his expense. It was fun to see Ender's evolution as a person and how it corresponded with Valentine and Peter's. Witty and genius, Ender's Game has so much fun to offer, yet inspires and expands the mind at the same time.

Short Book Review: The Continuous Conversion - Brad Wilcox

If anyone has ever heard Brad Wilcox speak, or have read one of his books, they have become an instant fan of his! He's absolutely amazing! I read his first book, "The Continuous Atonement" while I was serving a mission in Pittsburgh about 4 years ago. It changed my entire experience with Jesus Christ. My understanding of how the atonement works changed forever. My focus on works shifted instead to faith and grace which allowed my good works to flow naturally, rather than being the focus.

Brad Wilcox, in his new book, "The Continuous Conversion," takes his ideas from "The Continuous Atonement," and expands them to the daily application of faith and grace through the atonement of Jesus Christ. As I read his book, I quickly realized that in many instances in my life, I'm trying to "prove" myself to God and "earn" my way into heaven through my perceived righteousness and good works. Brad helped me discover that this life is not about earning anything. 

Heaven is a place for people who have learned how to be like God. That process of conversion is continuous and works through the continuous atonement via our ongoing relationship with Jesus Christ, who is "the way, the truth, and the life" (John 14: 6). As we embrace our Savior fully, and trust that "His grace is sufficient" (2 Corinthians 12:9). I now see every step forward that I take in my life as a reflection of my experience with Christ's grace through His virtuous and generous atonement. Of myself, I am nothing, through Christ, every step I take through faith and repentance is a lovely process of coming at-one with Him, which is eternal life and bliss! Life is beautiful.

To order: The Continuous Conversion - CLICK HERE

Here is Brad giving a talk on topics held within this book, it will rock your world!

Short Book Review: Act in Doctrine - David A. Bednar

This is a beautiful book spoken by a powerful disciple of Jesus Christ. Elder Bednar is so straightforward that it is very hard to misunderstand what he's saying. This book has helped me more fully understand who Christ really is at the core as a person. While reading this book, it was constantly on my mind that there is a right way to live the gospel and there is a sub-par way to live the gospel. The right and best way to live the gospel is to live as Christ lived it, by looking outward and serving others. The subpar way to live the gospel is by looking inward and thinking about
ourselves, which is characteristic of my life.

The things that really caught my attention in this book are as follows:

1. The character of Jesus Christ as a person is fundamentally outward-focused, even in the most intense of personal moments. For example, after fasting for 40 days and in personal starvation, He recognized the hunger in others and fed them loaves and fishes. Again, while hanging on the cross in absolute torment, bearing the sins of the world, with a literal broken heart, Christ asked the Father, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." The character of Christ as a person is to focus on other people. He is the prime example of losing His life and finding it.

2. Agency is not freedom to act. Agency is contextual, it has bounds, and it's different for everyone. Our agency represents the quality of our relationship with Jesus Christ. As agents, we as members of Christ's church are to represent Him. Thus, our agency is expanded as we more fully represent Him as His agent, and it is constricted as we chose to represent sin.

3. Testimony and Conversion and different. They are in relation to each other and can't be defined without one another. But to know the church is true (testimony) is not enough in the Latter-days; we must also be true to the church consistently (conversion). Our conversion is the gift we give back to our Heavenly Father for the gift of testimony that He bestowed upon us through the Holy Ghost.

4. Charity, like truth, is not something a person can possess or acquire. Rather, charity possess a person who is a truly follower of Christ. Thus, charity and truth are more relational that objects we obtain. Charity is the pure love of Christ, and whosoever is found possessed of it, it shall be well with Him (Moroni 7: 45-48).

To order: Act in Doctrine CLICK HERE

Short Book Review: Are We Special? The Truth and the Lie about God's Chosen People - Jeffrey S. Reber & Steven P. Moodey

This book will challenge any Latter-day Saint in their motivations for and their assumptions about salvation and exaltation. As a result, it's a humbling read, because it gets at our most self-centered motivations for living the gospel, even if those are unconscious to us at the moment. I feel like what the book has done for me is given me a framework to learn how to live the gospel more consistently as Christ would have me live it.

I have learned recently of the need to be in relation to Christ as primary and fundamental, even over that of following doctrines and principles rigidly as the Pharisees, who were so caught up in the law, that they didn't come to know Christ, which is life eternal (John 17:3). While teaching at the MTC it was very apparent that missionaries try to so hard to be perfect on their own. They try so hard to learn all of the lessons, and how to teach them. They want so badly to be perfect! I have tried to help them realize that repentance and the atonement will never be separate from their progression. That rather than trying to be perfect, we should instead seek to deepen our faith in Christ and in His perfection! We should quit focusing on doing all that needs to be done and instead seek to be who He wants us to be. The focus should be far less on not sinning and far more on repenting, and putting our whole trust in only Him who is the author and finisher of our faith.

Lastly, and as a part to being in relation to Christ, this book has made it more apparent to me that Christ is the light in all things, and that my very  breath depends on Him. I can't separate myself from or see myself independent of Him ever; even when I withdraw myself from Him in sin. My whole and being in this world is dependant on His light. To quote my favorite part of "Are We Special?" which highlights even more to me that I always am in relation to Christ:

"The first characteristic of discipleship is humility. In order to receive charity, the Disciple must first become humble... The first part of humility, which will be addressed in this section, is to recognize our dependence on Christ for all that we are and all that we do and all that we have. Paul taught the Colossians about our dependence upon Christ, "For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him: and he is before all things, and by him all things consist" Colossians 1:16-17).

"In His Revelation to the Prophet Joseph Smith, the Lord Himself testifies that He is "the light which is in all things, which giveth life to all things, which is the law by which all things are governed, even the power of God who sitteth upon his throne, who is in the bosom of eternity, who is in the midst of all things" (D&C 88:13).

"The Disciple acknowledges and appreciates the light of Christ as a necessary condition for every aspect of our being. The light is in us and through us and gives life to us, as it does all things, and without it we could not exist. Thus, the characteristics, activities, and talents of the Disciple cannot be understood apart from Christ and cannot come from the Disciple alone, as if the Disciple were somehow a self-contained entity. Instead, the Disciple's humility depends on Christ's humility, the Disciple's kindness depends on Christ's kindness, and the Disciple's goodness depends on Christ's goodness. Even our capacity for faith in Christ depends on Christ" (pg. 139-140).

To purchase: Are We Special? The Truth and the Lie about God's Chosen People - CLICK HERE

Short Book Review: The Power of Everyday Missionaries - Clayton M. Christensen

This was a phenomenal book! It is written to LDS people with the goal of sharing the gospel. Clayton Christensen shows that missionary work is not as much about bringing people into the church as it is about extending invitations! The ball is in our court when it comes to inviting people to learn about the gospel; it is in their court whether they decide to accept or reject that invitation. It's the same principle as a full-time missionary, invite everyone to be baptized! Of course not everyone will say yes, but that doesn't mean we don't invite!

The main points I got out of this book are as follows:

1. Don't make friends just to share the gospel with them. People know when they aren't being treated
sincerely. Treat people like people, not like objects in the form of baptismal statistics. Rather, let us instead invite our friends and the people we come in contact with to hear about the gospel; and continue being their genuine friends regardless of their acceptance or rejection of our invitation.

2. Find alternative ways to share the gospel. I created this blog actually in response to reading this book, as a platform for sharing LDS beliefs.

3. Set goals to find someone, anyone, to share the gospel with and to get to take the missionary lessons.  Clayton sets a date which motivates him to act. He shares amazing stories of finding the most random people (like someone sitting next to him on a flight) to accept the invitation to be taught by missionaries.

4. Don't judge who will or who will not accept the invitation to learn from the missionaries. Rather, invite everyone, and don't be surprised if the people that do accept are the ones you least suspected.

5. Don't limit your potential to be an instrument in the hands of the Lord! The stories in the Book of Mormon and Bible, where thousands of people join the church at a time by the teaching of one or two people continues to happen today all over the world! Clayton Christensen shares amazing stories of individuals, wards, branches, and stakes that do brilliant things with faith and sometimes literally bring thousands of people into the church in a short period of time.

My faith was renewed that all things are possible, even the bringing of thousands of our brothers and sisters to the knowledge of our Savior and Redeemer.

To order your copy of The Power of Everyday Missionaries: CLICK HERE

Short Book Review: The Anatomy of Peace - The Arbinger Institute

This is a powerful book on relationships! I got my bachelor's in Psychology and have plans to pursue a PhD in either Marriage and Family Therapy or Counseling Psychology. Consequently, this book was very relevant to my interests. 

This book is very existential and hermeneutical in it's perspectives, which are views that are generally in direct opposition to mainstream psychology. As I have studied psychology, it has become apparent to me that psychology as a discipline sees people as objects, not people. Psychology seeks to generalize, control, and predict. It puts people into categories and boxes, stereotypes which are known as diagnosis. Psychology views people as no different from any other natural object. A rock falling down a hill is not responsible for the damage it inflicts on whatever is in its path. The rock couldn't do otherwise, if it falls, it falls. That's how mainstream psychology sees and deals with people. People are biological machines that are caused by natural laws (like the falling rocks). 

When I read The Anatomy of Peace, it's alternative views immediately resonated with me. The premise of the book revolves around the idea that our state of being in relation to others determines everything about our interactions with them. If we view people as objects, such as obstacles to get around, or things that help us get to where we are going, then it doesn't matter what we say or do, it will come off differently than if we genuinely see people as people.   

We have all met people that who we feel genuinely listen to us. It's a rare feeling, and is very refreshing. This book has helped me try to really listen to others, and understand them, and to not see them as means to my ends. It has changed how I view my wife, and how I try to live and be in relation to her. I don't want to be a hypocrite and an empty shell. I want my outer world to reflect my inner world! This book is about doing things right, and for the right reasons, which makes a huge difference for us, but an even bigger difference for those around us!

For more of my thoughts, see Ways of Seeing and Ways of Being

To Order The Anatomy of Peace: CLICK HERE

Here's a video summary! It's a power-packed 5 mins!

Short Book Review: For Times of Trouble - Jeffrey R. Holland

This was a very peaceful book to read. I had never before thought of the Psalms as being so important! Jeffrey Holland helps the reader recognize the beauty and solace that comes from understanding the Psalms better. There are a few main points that I captured by reading this book:

1. The Psalms are the most quoted scriptures in the Old and New Testaments. They may be the most quoted scriptures period. 
2. Jesus Christ loved the Psalms, and they were very linked with the Beatitudes He taught in the Sermon on the Mount.
3. Jeffrey Holland has a section on the "Crucifixtion and Atonement", which are taught beautifully in the Psalms. Elder Holland talks about how Christ had none of His bones broken on the cross, which is characteristic of many crucifixions. Crucifiers break the bones of those hanging on the cross to speed up their death. However, Christ was already dead, so they instead pierced His side with a spear, in which case water and blood spilled out of Him. What is interested about the fact that blood flowed out of him with the water is that He had no internal injuries to produce such blood. What Holland, and others such as Talmage suggest, is that Christ died by a literal broken heart. Jesus said, " Reproach  hath broken my heart" (Psalms 69: 20), and also that "My heart is like wax; and is melted in the midst of my bowels" (Psalms 22: 14). Thus, Jesus died of a heart that broke, spiritually, emotionally, and physically because of the pain He endured for the sins of the world. 

His literal broken heart, which killed Him, is why He asks us to have a broken heart and contrite spirit, which is the sacrifice we offer to Him which will save us. I have a greater longing to feel what He felt for others. I desire greater compassion and love. I'm so grateful that my Savior endured so much for me. My hope is that I can experience a measure of brokenness myself, that my heart will break for the sins of myself and others, and that I will reach out more fully in love for all.

To Order For Times of Trouble: CLICK HERE 

There is a DVD included with this book. Here is a question/answer with Elder Holland clip:

Ways of Being & Seeing: pt. 2 – Seeing

           Our state of being reflects our state of seeing. “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known” (1 Corinthians 13: 12, italics added). There is a ‘veil’ between us and God, which keeps us from seeing things as they really are, seeing them as He does. The truthfulness of our relationship with God reflects how truthfully we see the world around us (See pt.1 – Being).

            One day we will fully recognize all people as they really are, as literal offspring of God (Acts 17: 9). Our skewed vision is reason we would ever look down on anyone. CS Lewis said, “It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you say it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship” (CS Lewis, Mere Christianity). All people are children of Heavenly Parents. All people on this earth are brilliant; just a “little lower than angels” (Psalms 8: 5). The Hebrew translation of angels is Elohim (i.e. the gods).    

            We truly are just a little less than God. Through our Savior’s atonement, we will become his joint-heirs and one day be (which is to see) like God. Not only does He see us as His children, but He wants us to see Him as our actual Father. Therefore, let us look at those around us as divine beings, as potential gods and goddesses as they rightfully are. As we see people as they really are, brilliant children of God, we will be able to be sincere in our being toward them, acting no hypocrisy. 

Ways of Being and Seeing: pt. 1 - Being

            How we are in relation to those around us is more central and real than what we actually do or say. For example, I may take the garbage out at my wife’s request, and lovingly say, “No problem, beautiful!” but what I’m really thinking and feelings is “Why does that bossy beast always make me do this? She never does anything around here.” While I am being begrudging, my wife and I are inwardly being divided because I am behaving contrary to how I am being. The reality of this situation is not me taking out the trash; rather, it is me living deceitfully in relation to my wife. Relationships of being are the fundamental, not the outward words and actions. This is not to say words or actions are nothing; rather, it is to say that what is behind them is what matters most.

            Our relation to the Savior is no different; if we follow the commandments or give service begrudgingly, to Him it is good for nothing. The Lord cares more for the desires of our heart than anything else (1 Samuel 16: 7; D&C 137: 9). He cares about who we are becoming as human-beings, not as human-doings. Consequently, the Savior was very serious about hypocrisy. On many occasions, He would call out the Pharisees for going through the motions without the right motivations.

            Regarding following the Savior, the prophet Nephi recorded, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, I know that if ye shall follow the Son, with full purpose of heart [emphasis added], acting no hypocrisy and no deception before God, but with real intent, repenting of your sins, witnessing unto the Father that ye are willing to take upon you the name of Christ…” (2 Nephi 31: 13). Consequently, how we are being in relation to the Savior is a direct reflection of how we feel about him, and how much we are following Him.